i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
