Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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