sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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