UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
