I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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