i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
