i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
NoShamevember. You game?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
