i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
