he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I love you. Go after that dick
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
