I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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