I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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