Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
