your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
