hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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