i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
