i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
is it fun? or sober?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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