I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
