So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
