Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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