her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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