but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
