Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
