You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
