i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
