so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
