I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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