I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
