Only a mothe r could love this liver
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I need to sanitize my soul.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
