I feel like I'm in dance class right now
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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