my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
