i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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