I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
