Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
