there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She bit a glass in half.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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