What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
