i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
