my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
