she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
