one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
When are your genitals available?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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