I have demons in me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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