I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
