He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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