i think my tv is drunk
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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