there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
