Me. At least after what I've been through.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
