he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
