I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
