You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
