I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
