hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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