Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
