Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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