I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
